back from Bremen

Last weekend we went to Bremen. It is such a nice city!! I love all those old buildings (the ones they re-build after the war!), the impressive history and the atmosphere in general!! Bremen is worth a million visits - and for sure I will go back soon!!

positive

The last couple of weeks were quite interesting! I found out many things about myself - especially about the terrible sides of my character!! Completely stressed I started my first days in Dortmund! I dont know exactly why but I was really, really scared!! And crying all the time (or half of the time - the other half I used for complaining)!! It might have been the fact that moving gets more and more difficult by the time... leaving people behind - putting again all efforts into making new friends (oh, I hate stupid small talk conversations!!!!) and telling myself to feel at home at places that I have never been to before... or just that I had to share a 10 sqm room and a 90 cm bed with Ivan for 2 weeks (that felt like being in prison!!).. or maybe just that I was really home-sick, missing my good old friends, my family and beautiful Konstanz!!! But anyway, now its okay! I started to see things in a much brighter light!! Also I was back in Chemnitz at my dentist's and FINALLY got a really nice new tooth!! I can smile again :) It feels perfect :) .. maybe this was the reason of not being so cheerful.. with a black tooth right in the front you can do nothing but cry!! But now it will be all fine!! Great!!

on the road again

updates... well... have been studying all june and july for my oral exams. I was successful :) - but once they were over I got so annoyed! When I had to sit inside, read all this stuff, the weather was just perfect... and: exactly one day after the last exam the rain came... and hasn't left until now!!

End of July I moved back to Konstanz with all my things. Nice to have everything in one place at last (also the 4 boxes that my parents took home from Chemnitz before I left to Pilsen). Now I can sort everything, pack it up once more and take it to Dortmund in October... we havn't found a flat yet... but I am sure (am praying for it!!) that we will find a nice place to make a perfect home (for six months... or more)

But anyway... tomorrow we will go to Rome (me and Ivan) to visit my friend. Am looking forward!! Last time I visited Rome was when I was five or six - dont remember much!! And last time I saw my friend... dont remember either... maybe a year ago!!

relaxed :)))))))

The last two weekends were perfect!!! I went to the party in Prague as a surprise guest and on Saturday to Pilsen!! We had such a good time!! Trinking wine in the park and dancing all night long :))) I enjoyed it so much!! and I am sure now that I don't regret my time in Pilsen at all!!!! Finally :)))

And last Thursday I felt ready for another break!! I was sitting in the office with my friend Bine thinking where we could go... actually, we checked flights to Spain and Italy.. but they were too expensive for us! So we decided to spontanously leave to a lake close to here. We packed all our stuff (including the tent) and went to this lake!! Really, it was soooooooo nice!!!! For two whole days we did absolutely nothing!!!! And we saw the stars!! sooooo many :))))) soooooo nice!!!!

... and now I am soooooo relaxed :)))))

...

I want to write about something.. but what?? Many things are happening.. I am busy ALL THE TIME... mainly with studying. I have so many cool subjects - about organisations and leadership, eu law and the changes in the new constitution, about international careers, or human rights in Europe and about asylum and migration in Germany. I also started studying some Spanish - in case I will meet Iván's parents one day :) I really hope that our relationship will last long (VERY LONG)... lately I was thinking that we might go to Colombia to live there after he is finished with his studies in Dortmund... maybe its love that makes me blind and come up with these crazy ideas! But also it is because I am still not sure what I want to do with my life... I was searching for a master program... so many things... but I just can't decide!! nothing makes my heart beat fast :(

And now I start being sad sometimes about leaving Pilsen - or actually more about not being in touch here in Chemnitz with so many people. At the beginning I enjoyed being on my own sooooooo much!!! No commitments!!! Just me and nothing else!! But now - after more than one month it gets quite boring... the rabbit and the pig are entertaining - but we still have some language difficulties (the rabbit never says a word and the pig squeaks only because she wants food - ok.. at least I understand her in this sense :) Maybe communication with humans would be more usefull and satisfying.

Soon I will meet one of my really old friends from school again - it will be really nice!!! Especially because we will go to the U2 concert in Gelsenkirchen together!! I have been to a U2 concert once - in Ireland - I doubt that Gelsenkirchen can be better than the one in Ireland... but if it's only half as good it will be worth the money and the travelling!! I remember that concert in Ireland so well!! It was three weeks after arriving in the family where I was Au-pair for one year. I didn't want to go to that concert because I didn't like (or better: know) U2... but they gave me the ticket - saying that this is the event of the century for Irish people and that I couldn't miss it!! They payed such a fortune for the ticket!! And then I was there - crying!! It was the moment when I realized that life had started - I was not a child anymore!! I was away from home!! In the best country on the planet!! Once at NaLDS we were talking about the moment that we remember as the best of our lives - I was saying that this was it!! I am not sure if it is still THE best one - but for sure it is one of the best ones!!

oh.. on the radio is a really nice song just now... it's in German! I am really surprised how many bands we have. It's a new trend to sing in German. I like it really a lot!! Some discussions were going on saying that singing songs in German is something Germans shouldn't do because it means to be too much of a nationalist... such a nonsense!! Sometimes I think that our history will never allow us to live a normal life and to treat our nation in a decent way... is singing in your native language not the same as speaking in it - should that be changed as well then?? maybe we could start speaking in Czech then (or singing :) - it would give me the chance to practice a little more :)

happy and smiling and crying

Oh, I am sooooooooo happy!!!! I mean, awards mean really nothing to me... just this one does!! Because this one is some kind of official thank you from many people... saying that I gave them something and that they appreciate the time I spent in Czech Republic working with them. Many other people would have deserved such an award and just to choose one single name would have been impossible for me!! I am so grateful!! The last year was a really tough one for me... just now in this moment I feel that I made the right choice to stay and to face the worst weeks in my life!! It is just such a shame that I was not at the conference!! I would have loved to show everybody how happy they made me!! I miss them so much now!! It’s terrible!! Guys, when can we meet again?!? Let’s turn back the time for some weeks!! I would focus on all the nice things this time!!

in Chemnitz

So what now???... Yesterday at 12:06 it finally happened... leaving Pilsen... leaving my friends, my life, my LCP term.. everything behind... that pain in my heart was really strong!! there just for a moment - but I felt it!! Just I couldnt stop the train! so bit by bit I was moving towards my new future... or my old life. and now that I am here it is as if Czech Republic never existed!! like in a dream! Or is Chemnitz the dream and Pilsen not??

But still I dont know what to think about all the things that I experienced during the last 13 months!! I love reflecting!! Really!! A lot!! The thing I appreciate the most about my time in AIESEC!! But in this case it makes me scared!! Of the uncertain and of finding out how many things have changed inside of me!! I lost my enthusiasm, even my vision!! The experience as a whole was maybe too strong for me! or maybe it was exactly what I was supposed to go through... I dont know now...

On Monday I will be a 'normal' student again!! Actually I am looking forward to that!! Even to the exams!! ... strange... but it feels great!!